Most of us are keeping a list in the back of our minds. We didn’t sit down and write it. It just built itself over the years, one “later” at a time.

The swimsuit. The photos. The dating app. The plane seat. The bright yellow dress you keep touching in the store and putting back. The yoga class.

And at the top of the list, in handwriting you’d recognize anywhere, is the condition: when I lose weight.

I want to talk about the yoga one, because that’s my corner of the internet. But they’re all the same list.

Here’s what I hear constantly, some version of it:

I want to start yoga, but I’m going to get a little smaller first. Then I’ll feel less awkward in class.

I understand it completely, because I’ve been there. I gained weight in my late 30s, and I picked up the message that yoga teachers aren’t supposed to look like me. I stopped teaching yoga for a while because I was uncomfortable with that.

You’re waiting to shrink so that a room will feel comfortable. But the room isn’t uncomfortable because of your size. It’s uncomfortable because yoga is marketed as a young and thin girl’s game, and also because teachers aren’t taught how to teach bodies that differ from the marketing.

The poses you’ve been told you can’t do usually just need a different setup. Wider stance. Block under the hand. Belly moved out of the way instead of squeezed through. A bolster to raise the floor.

None of that is a modification because something is wrong with you. That’s the pose, done in a body with more of it. My thighs meet. My belly is present. So I set up around them instead of pretending they aren’t there, and then the pose works. Yay.

That’s it. That’s the whole secret. Find what works for you.

So here’s what I’d ask you to do this week, and it’s small.

Take one thing off the list. Just one. Not the hardest one! Pick something that makes you a little nervous but not scared.

Then do it fat.

Not do it after. Not do it once you’ve earned it. Do it in this body, this week, at this size, with all the awkwardness that comes with a first time. Embrace the awkward beginner stage!

Girl, just do it fat.

Some ideas, if you’re stuck:

• Take the photo. Don’t retake it eleven times.
• Wear the shorts.
• Roll out a mat in your living room and do a couple poses for five minutes.
• Say yes to the thing you were going to decline, but secretly wanted to do
• Book the appointment you keep putting off

You will probably feel weird. That’s not a sign you were right to wait. That’s just what new feels like in a body that’s been told to stay small and play small.

I’m not going to tell you the list disappears. Mine still tries to reappear when I’m tired. I still get self conscious. But every time you just go do the thing, the list loses a little of its authority.

You have one life, and it’s happening right now, at this weight, in this body, today.

Stop scheduling it for a version of you that may never show up. She doesn’t deserve your whole life. You do.